Wednesday, February 16, 2011
No matter wat,i am still a human onli,at the very stress point of time..i will still tink of banging wall,stop my breathe,being a superwoman,use a knife to end my life,all sorts of stupid thing,yes...stupid thing,cos nw i am still okie..i am still at clear minded,tat makes me tink it was stupid,bt...when all the pressure come to me out of sudden,all those stupid thing makes me feel better after doing it,bt...doing it did nt really solve my prob,and it make me feel more worst after my clear mind come back,cos i will tink,wat did i done to myself,wat stupid stuff did i do.Thr was once when i am 17,i did tat stupid thing,ended up all my loves one found out,and tat make them feel worried for me,and i regretted,especially my dad..he bought a so called "amulet" for me.He wan me safe,and..i told him,i already hav it,juz nt using,bt...i still take it,and hang it on my phone,till nw..it's still on tat phone.Everytime working,the place tat wait for the co. bus,remind me of the days when dad call me and ask me whr am i,then drive me home frm thr,when it rains, it remind me of if dad is still around,he will come and drive me home,though maybe if dad is around,i wun be working,might still be studying or wat,i dunno.Bt...nw,nth can change.Nth will change the fact of wat past hav been.I really miss hw my life used to be,the life tat whenever i am back home frm sch,dad and mum was around..the baby tat mum babysit was cute,and bro and sis was back awhile lata,we had dinner tgt.Sun,we went out tgt,we chat tgt,talking the same topic tgt,lik so long ago,tat kind of happiness seems to hav gone further and further.Sometimes,i keep tinking,tink and tink...wat can i do to hav back all,i would even wan to use my life to change tat few hrs of happiness.




I am tired and lazy to carry on everything nw...
7:10 PM