Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Seriously,I hav no idea wat is the feeling towards you nw.Feel alittle disgusted by you at times.Are you back to her or you are actually wif someone else?Why can u act so normally?Wat are the past few mths all abt?Tat nite tat call,wat isit abt?No explanation,no gdbye,it started without a starting point,so it end without ending point too?U are juz borrowed to me for a few mths by her and she take u back?Bt if she nv take u back,are we possible to be tgt?I dunno.Hai.I really dunno wat's wrong wif my sis,i really hate tat she knew abt the ten yrs,it's a scar ever since 4 yrs ago,instead of healing it for me,instead of talking to me nicely,instead of cheering me,she is adding salt onto this scar,keep bringing it up and all i heard is sarcasm.She juz dunno hw it hurts.I dun feel proud waiting for ten yrs,i dun wait willingly for ten yrs bt time juz passes throughout the waiting,and do u tink its funny?Yea,i am dumb,stupid,tat's why I keeps on repeating the same old mistake,staying in the boundary and nv step out of it.Why wrong wif me?Do I look ugly?Do I hav any sickness?Do I make any mistake?I dun deserve any nice guy?Is my expectation high?Hw high?I hav nv expect anything frm anyone.I juz expect somebody who compatible with me,too much?Or shld juz go for an old uncle,an indian/malay,a bad guy,ah beng then is call low expectation?
I am tired and lazy
to carry on everything nw...
10:58 PM
Sunday, February 26, 2012
我，从来没有谈过任何的恋爱。只有傻傻的单恋过十年，也曾经被爱过。或许我不知道恋爱中的那种感觉，但是我却清楚的了解爱上一人的那种痛苦。没有谈过恋爱的我，一次，又一次的从身边的朋友身上看到了谈恋爱的甜蜜，和一时的冲动到最后带给自己的伤害。他们的那些故事，让我对爱情的失望越来越深，期望越来越少，我甚至怀疑，世上是否真的有真爱的存在？又有多少人能够真正的拥有呢？如果爱情最终带来的只有伤害，我不希望自己这一生与它有任何的牵连。可是，我毕竟是人，我有七情六欲，所以，我好希望有一种能够封闭自己心的一把锁，将它给锁起来。然后，从此，我只有亲情，友情，不再有爱情。我甚至觉得，我这一生，可能根本不会遇到爱我，疼我的那个另一半。我不想要自己在对爱情在有任何的期望了。我竟然没有谈过恋爱，就没有必要去爱了。不需要什么轰轰烈烈的爱过，因为如果拥有过后，注定最后会失去，拥有，只是痛苦的开始。那，又为什么要拥有呢？我放弃了，我真的要放弃爱情，不要它再带给我任何的不愉快了。开开心心的我，为什么要因为它，把自己弄得那么不堪一击呢？我真得很害怕。我不要再为任何人等待十年，结果又是一场空了。够了。如果要说轰轰烈烈，那就用我轰轰烈烈的等待过一个人十年，所以，我对“爱情”这两个字，也算有交待了。让我下定决心吧，不要再期待爱情了。玩玩恋爱游戏还行，就是不要再放一点一滴的感情了。
I am tired and lazy
to carry on everything nw...
7:14 PM
Thursday, February 16, 2012
I am preparing for my upcoming b'dae,this yr is 21st.I am afraid something,somewhr might went wrong.Phewww -.-,but only until the day itself,I wun noe wat or whr will went wrong.Guess wat my boss actually told me today?He asked me,if thr is a better offer,will I consider on leaving this co. and take tat offer?Used to thought I will reply yes without any second thought,but..I replied; "i dunno".Maybe has been in tis co. for quite sometimes,is abt a yr plus?The feeling is thr already.Yup,i hav went to genting with family,sis bf,esther and her mum last wk sun,frm 12-14Feb.A boring trip bt relaxing.Juz dunno why I always gt headache when I went to holiday.It's not the first time -.-.It's a lonely valentine's tis yr again.Am I pending for something?Do I really need tat?Who occupied my heart nw?Actually,I oso dunno,sometime it can be him,him or him?LOL.Sound lik I am a flirt.I hope I am nt.After the genting trip,he seems lik getting faraway frm me.Wonder wat he's tinking.He dun wan or dun dare to speak to me?He is waiting for me to talk to him or he is juz simply ignoring me?Can stop disturbing my heart if u are juz looking for "fun"?I dun wan to entertain such thing.I entertained too much,and enough.It's either u giv me the happiness or u leave me alone.Dun bother abt my existences.I believe,it's gd for both.
I am tired and lazy
to carry on everything nw...
10:59 PM
Friday, January 13, 2012
It been quite sometimes since I last update my blog.Can see that I am getting more and more lazy to update as i realise everyone surrounded me are not using blogger anymore.Guess i am the only one using it nw.Becos,inside tis blogger,there is so many memories inside,it's like my life's journal,tinking of it,I am afraid if someday blogger are upgrading or etc.,then all the posting I posted when I am still a young 13 yrs old gal till nw,i am already moving forward 21 will be gone.Time flies.Things change,life's change,everyone's around change,including myself.Life's a tortured.I cannot accept wat fate is bringing to us.It's...bad.Well...recently chatting with one guy in co., really dunno why can I continue the chat and tinking if we are possible,it's kinda ridiculous.I hate it when I can't control myself to tink of ridiculous thing.My heart,are still with him.The one I waited for so long.People's around me get to noe abt it only tink that I am stupid.Fucking stupid.Bt hav u ever go through it?Can u do until lik wat I am doing?Like/Lov someone for 10+ yrs?Tat's fucking long.Bt,I am waiting for empty shell.I thought this road can lead me out of the darkness,so I followed,until now..I still don't find a way out.And so,I am trapped inside,it would takes me a long way to walk out.Still the same,it has been one yr working in this co.,but,it still didn't get any better.Tired,very tired..physically..mentally...and oh my gosh,i am gaining weight -.-.
I am tired and lazy
to carry on everything nw...
12:01 PM
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Seriously,i hav nv wanna leave this co. so much lik today until i posted it in my fb.Early in the morning received this kind of "bad news",who can still work with tat fake smiley face uh?Was being told by my boss that OTHER department wanna seperate me and my colleague,one of us may be switched to another department,then i was lik,WTF!?Are you kidding me off?Why are this decision being made?Then,all the way i was nt giving a gd face to my boss,though i noe,he hav his difficulty too,shldn't put all the blame on him,bt...i juz can't show a smiley face.Hw disappointed i am with this co.,again and again.You dun wan to giv us one more system clerk to help us,nvm.U keep on adding loads on us when u noe we are already overloaded,nvm.And nw u fucking brainless wanna take one of us off when 2 persons is already nt enough!Are u trying to make all ur staff's leave then u are happy?U are fucking pushing all u staff's to the corner already.Enough is enough.I tink the serious problem lies with u,u shld be the one changing and NT US!We changed WH staff,we changed WH manager,we changed working method,bt..prob still around,so i guess...maybe changing u would be a better try for tis mess to get a cleared up.U are always blocking the road,it's time to clear u up so we can crossover and make a better change.U dun even noe hw to lead the team,u dun stand up for ur staff's,u let other's control ur staff's,control ur staff's jobscope,and u let them add more loads to ur department and u dare nt stand up,stand firm and say "NO",what kind of management are u,and wat do u still deserve for ur staff's to respect u?When can everything stable down?When can everything be settled?And when can dun everything oso WH,WH.Gd one dun hav WH,bad one all WH.Kns :/.
I am tired and lazy
to carry on everything nw...
11:08 PM
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
How?Anybody can tell me wat happened to me?Wat's gg on?After tat chalet,or after noeing the things happened on sun,there seems to grow a stone on my chest,it's torturing me,i wanna cry,bt i can't,i wanna shout,bt i can't,i wanna struggle,bt i can't.I talked to someone,bt it's useless.I can't laugh,i find it hard to smile,i hav no mood to work,if tis gonna carry on,many ppls will feel disappointed on me.Cos i am no longer tat hardworking me.Bt nt i wan it to be tis way,is i really dunno wat's gg on to me,who can cure tis pain in me nw?It could be i am giving stress to myself,bt..i really try nt to tink,the more i control,the more worst i feel.Can i temp lost my memory?Can i rest my mind for awhile?I feel suffocated.I turn around,i look around,there is really nobody who can understand me even without me saying anything.In life,hw careful can a person be.When u hav totally no idea who is the one tat will bring harm to u,hw are u gg to prevent?I hav nv wanted to say tis bt seriously,FML.Tis life,is tiring,is bored,is torturing.I noe and i am sure there is ppls who are leading the life tat is 10 times worst than mine,bt so?I am leading one worst life too,i am no diff frm them,juz tat i may be abit luckier than them bt still,my life is still suck after all.Guardian angel,where are u?
I am tired and lazy
to carry on everything nw...
11:29 PM
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Uhhhh...i am sick.Sore throat,flu,headache,and..tired.Life's full of obstacles.LOL.Actually,i dunno wat to blog abt,bt juz feel lik to post something.Talk abt my job bah,hm...dunno wat am i busy abt,bt juz feeling so busy everyday,and when somebody is trying to help and ask wat help we need,we actually tink tat we can manage,so why are we always feeling so busy?And we are really busy,is lik 24 hrs a day is nt enough.Hav been working frm mon-sat these 4 mths,and it seems to be a habit nw.I am really afraid of changes,bt...without changes,things wun improve.Well..are we getting better nw?Are we really?I am afraid when they wanna hand sumthing over to me and wan me to handle,then i will start to tink,shld i and why muz i?See uh..if ppl ask u to do sumthing,u juz do and wun argue,ppl will take advantage of u,it will seems lik u are stupid and easy to be use by others.Bt,if ppl ask you to do sumthing,u will argue,u will nt let them take advantages of u,it dun seems very gd oso.So sometimes,i really dunno wat to do and shld put myself in wat kind of position..follow my heart?Yea...but,my heart didn't told me wat to do.Wah...i realise i dun understand myself,and i dunno myself at all.Wat kind of person am i?Am i a gd or bad person?Or thr is actually no gd or bad,to tis portion of ppl,i may be gd,to tat portion of ppl,i may be bad.Rmb tat time i blog abt my boss may wan to send me oversea for training,until nw..thr is still no news of it,i guess it has been called off,as tat period of time,WH is in a mess,so shld be over lerHx bah,walau eh...then why muz he tell me -.-,make me feel excited awhile..LOL -.-. I hav a very confusing heart and mind nw,i keep on tinking of many things,many many things,and i hav a very selfish thought,i wan sumthing happen to me,then let me coma for a period of time,after i waked up,i hope all the useless memory can be deleted.I only wan to rmb my family and things tat are useful.So..i dun hav to be so tired.And...the first memory i would wan to make sure it will be deleted,is u...the one who occupied my heart,my mind for almost 10 yrs.It's enough.I dunno why i juz can't get rid of u,i juz can't.I muz hav owe u something in my previous life,i muz hav.If nt,why so many ppls in the world,bt juz u..so hard to let go.
I am tired and lazy
to carry on everything nw...
8:48 PM
